Little Brothers

Little brothers bring up such fond memories. 

They are the jewels in our crowns and the pains in our arse!

Love and annoyance perfectly entwined as only your sibling would know. 

Bound by families, circumstances and era, yet, each so vastly different.

You have been there, together, all the way.

Through thick and thin, highs and lows, side by side or apart. 

Tit for tat, a pinch and a punch, a snicker or a look.   

Fart jokes, code names, shit heads and friends. 
Inseparable.

I have two enormously huge "little" brothers.
Each their own and together one.
   

I'll admit,  I wasn't the kindest, fairest or greatest role model of a big sister. 

I most certainly gave my share of less than sisterly love. 

My two younger brothers copped a lot, and they had fun giving it back. 

Our siblings get the best of us. 

They get all of us, the good, the awesome, the ugly and the down right shit. 

and they are undeniably a part of us. 

It is here, within our families that we learn our first experiences of relationships, ourselves, life and love.
In all its mess, pain, beauty and fullness. 

It's my middle brothers birthday today and it is for him that I write this post. 

I had no idea of what I wanted to say, yet as the words hit the page I can feel where it's going. 

It's leading me into those unhealded parts of myself, waiting patiently for the light. They are ready, I can feel that they have been for years. I just like to hold onto things. 
They are Ready for release, ready for forgiveness, ready to let go and move on. 

The wound of which I speak of is firmly associated with my middle brother and his arrival into our family. My uncle had died tragically in a car accident only a few short weeks before. 

The complete cycle of life: death, birth and change all in a few short weeks. 

I didn't cope well.  

I was hurt, angry and scared and that's pretty much where I stayed, for decades. 

A fact that I was completely unaware of until recently. 

When we are ready, the truth heals.  

This hurt, I took out on my brothers and those around me and in particular the brother who we welcomed into our family at this time - the bright, cheeky shit of a gorgeous light Nev. 

So Nev,  

From your once bitch of a sister. 

I love you and I have something I would like to say. 

Something I need to say for us both.  To heal old wounds, release the past and move forward in love. 

its simple and profound and goes like this:

"I'm sorry, mate".  

I'm sorry that I took my emotional hurt out on you 

It took a while, but you succeeded in leading me to the unhealed places within myself. 

In that cheeky, always right, shit of a way that you have. 

My brothers truly are the jewels in my crown, they are also the very best pains in my arse. 
Because in every moment they take my shit with a smile and then continue to lovingly challenge me to be a better version of myself.