"Yesterday I was a Dancer"

 

I wanted to start this post with the bold, gorgeous, dreams fulfilled title -  “I am a Dancer”,  - but the truth is “yesterday, I was a dancer.”  Today, Today I am not more or less, I am simply….. being. 

In many ways dancing was my beginning.   The very u-turn I needed to start the journey home to myself.   The permission space perfectly suited to allowing myself to heal, to let go and to welcome growth.  Dancing challenged every part of my being; it challenged my thinking, my beliefs, my perception, my body, my desires and my very idea of self.   It allowed me space to dream, to follow my dream and succeed. It was my own personalised vehicle specifically designed to break old patterns, grow in self confidence and pick up the broken pieces of my once shattered self belief.  Dancing was and will always be my healer.  A love and passion felt in the very depths of my being, intrinsic and whole. A most beautiful, feminine, natural and flowing part of me.

Dancing taught me that my body is my most natural, patient and loving teacher.   A new way to receiving and seeing myself.  Years previously I had only thought of my body as something to be trained, overcome, controlled, shaped, pushed and in a most unloving way punished.  Dance taught me love, respect and self acceptance. Dance showed me how to connect to my body and to listen to her.  To listen and awaken to her natural rhythms, to feel, flow and communicate.  To journey within, to allow and to follow the natural voice of wisdom flowing within all of us.  

Most recently that very internal wisdom that dance awaked in me began asking me to let go of the very healer that brought me here.  To allow dance to naturally leave my life, at least for now, and to let go of the egoic dreams of trophies, competitions and success.  The message was loud, clear and precise, “you have all that you need” 

It asked me to relax and to stop clinging to the vehicle, to allow and trust the natural flow of life. To allow change and to follow the internal desire to explore further self expression.  To write, to heal even deeper, to sing, to meditate and to try something new.  Get out there girl, and grow.

Change, is like a big black hole that hangs over us.   Why do we so desperately fear it? Why do we cling to things we know as if our very existence depends upon it? Am I any less because I no longer have it? Is my value any different to what it was yesterday?  Dance taught me to value change, to want it and to accept it as part of the natural process, yet when guided to leave dance, I cling to the edges afraid of attempting to fly.

We are born to this world embracing change.  Yet somewhere along the way we change.    We become fearful of the unknown, we cling to what has become comfortable, regular and known.   When does this natural inquisitiveness and the complete acceptance of change fade away?

In truth we are change, we are changing in every second of every day and so too is everything around us.  I like to think of change as the natural creative flow of the universe, creating in every fraction of every measurable piece of a moment.  Change is our natural state of being, we are constantly creating, we are constantly changing. We are change.  So here goes  - “Yesterday I was a dancer, today, today I am change.” Today I am simply allowing, embracing and surrendering.  Allowing my inner voice to guide the way.  Today I jump, today I surrender:  wings – show me what you’ve got.